hanging by a string...

this is not the kind of story with an ever after ending.

sometimes you're left hanging by a string

just barely clutching to what's left,

and sometimes that's enough.

other times, your heart just aches so terribly

that you cut the string yourself,

knowing it will be worse for a little while

but in the end

you might have a chance to rebuild

what was broken.

so you live

with quiet nights

and an empty bed

hoping that one day

you might feel okay again.

until then your breathe still catches in your chest

and your hand still aches to touch his

your heart picks up just a little too quick

and the tears burn behind your eyes.

but you swallow it back

and choke it down

bury it deep

and just let it sleep.

happily, ever, after.

I know the problem

it's as simple as this
in a crowded room
i feel completely alone
the loneliness consumes me
and that empty feeling
is so filling
that i don't know how to find room
for the things
that will make me feel whole again

remember me

it doesn't have to be long winded
or complicated and verbose
it just has to be true
i can be exactly what you need
in your dark hours
and the cold nights
if you would only remember me.

you and tequila

when you know the end result
the chase usually isn't as exciting
sort of like knowing what happens
at the end of a 13 dollar movie
but we still sit through the drama,
the horror,
the comedy,
the "romance,"
and inevitably, the credits.
left feeling empty and alone
no one to turn to when
you feel you really need it most
my heart pounds in my chest.
it hasn't rested in almost three years.
even though I know
that the past is probably too much
for us to ever overcome
it never stops me
from wasting my 11:11 wish on you
and it's never been enough
to keep me from hoping
that maybe you waste yours on me too
i recite the words in my head
but never have the courage to say
what we really want
or need
because somehow i have convinced myself
that the notion of what could have been
will always be better
than knowing what could never be.

speechless

sometimes the words just fail to arrive

and sometimes even the most eloquent of them

seem to plain to describe

the most radiant and amazing feelings inside.

sometimes the silence is what speaks the most

hiding what you really feel

and at the same time exposing

you for the fraud that you are.

and then, some days,

no matter how loud or quiet you choose to be

someone can look at you and just know

by some divine intuition

that you are not what you seem

that the facade you built for the day

is just one wink away from crumbling.

anonymity

faceless, nameless, blameless

behind a computer screen

like a blind man fumbling around

aimlessly reaching out for something

someone

somewhere.

where you base your opinion

or your feelings

off a couple short blurbs

and a small, blurry picture

hoping that somehow

lightning could strike twice

but the empty communication

only leaves you wanting more

your stomach aching with the knowing feeling

that even in your made up world

you don't fit

that even your imaginary self

doesn't fit inside the skin it was given

its hard to imagine how we can continue

down this dark and desperate path

like a blind man fumbling around

aimlessly reaching out for something

someone

somewhere

when we know in all probability

it will lead to more missed encounters

of somethings slipping through our fingers

and someones turning into no ones

and somewheres changing into nowheres.

underestimate

underestimate

your ability to miss something you never had

the sting of november's cold air

hits my lungs

like the sight of you

hits the pit of my stomach

sending butterflies bursting through the sides of my stomach

into the air

selling out my cool, calm demeanor

a rush of blood to my cheeks

i try to blame on my faulty insides

but everyone knows

when i look at you

and you look past me

that i wish something could be more than it is

even a year later

i still cant let it go

or maybe it wont let me go

the arms of this obsession squeezing me tight

cutting off my air supply

so as i drown in this sea of regret

of misguided signals

and deep, relentless fear

that i will never climb out of this

deep, dark hole.